
Old Punk Guitarist Really Wishes He Sold Out
Published October 2021BALTIMORE, MD – The former guitarist of a punk band has admitted that he wishes he had sold out when given the opportunity years ago.

Manchin and Sinema Propose Taxing Minecraft Players to Pay for Infrastructure Bill
Published November 2021WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have proposed changes to the funding of the infrastructure bill.

NFL Launches “Don’t Be a Pussy” Men’s Mental Health Campaign
Published October 2021NEW YORK, NY – The National Football League has launched a new campaign called “Don’t Be a Pussy” aimed at promoting good mental health among men.

White, Middle-aged Men Upset with Recent 500 Best Songs List
Published October 2021LOS ANGELES, CA – Middle-aged, white men across the country are expressing their anger with an entertainment magazine’s recent list of the 500 best songs of all time.

Facebook Launches Degree Program to Validate Facebook Users’ Posts, Comments
Published October 2021SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Beginning next month, Facebook will begin offering degree and postgraduate degree programs to Facebook users.

Local Man Still Wearing Fedora For Some Reason
Published August 2021LOS ANGELES, CA – A local Pasadena man is still wearing a fedora hat in publi

Adrian Veidt Admits Plan to Unify Humanity by Releasing COVID-19 has Failed
Published August 2021NEW YORK, NY – Former superhero and the smartest man in the world, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, admitted to engineering and releasing the COVID-19 virus in an effort to bring the people of earth together.

New Survey: Most Kids Want to Be an NFT When They Grow Up
Published September 2021CHICAGO, IL – In a new survey of children ages five to 15, a majority of children said they wanted to be an NFT when they grow up.

Local Ventriloquist No Longer Invited to Parties
Published July 2021LAKEWOOD, CO – Local ventriloquist, Joshua Castellino, is no longer invited to parties due to refusal to leave his dummy, Winston, at home.

Internet Group Aims to Help Republicans Find Republican-friendly Rock Music
Published July 2021NASHVILLE, TN – A new online support group has been launched to help Republicans find music made by artists that align with current Republican values.