LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been 17 years since the question was first raised but investigators and the general public are still unsure who let the dogs out.

DENVER, CO – A lifetime of silliness was validated last week when local man Christopher Meens finally appeared on the Jumbotron during a Colorado Avalanche hockey game.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Although several weeks have passed since the office holiday party, office administrator Carrie Hoplight, refuses to forgive coworker Jenny Matthews for stealing the gift she wanted.

WASHINGTON, DC – American families have unanimously agreed to ignore the last couple months and just enjoy a quiet thanksgiving dinner.

BOSIE, ID – The seven-year-old son of Will and Jeena Johnson, Brently, has admitted to his parents that he not only enjoys lying but finds solace in lying, especially when lying to his parents.

SAN DIEGO, CA – A new stroller capable of holding up to five children is about to hit the market and industry experts say it may just revolutionize the stroller industry.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Holy freaking guacamole you guys! It has been, like, forever since I was last able to grace your eye holes with my everlasting words of wisdom!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With only a few weeks until the Presidential election, the write-in candidate Your Mom has taken the lead in a series of recent polls.

“People are rejecting the two major party candidates at a rate we’ve never seen and because of that people are looking for other choices,” said former Democratic Party Chairman, Howard Dean. “Someone, who knows who, said that they’d just write ‘Your Mom’ on their ballot and people are really starting to agree with that.”

AUSTIN, TX – Summer will be extended three months and Winter will be phased out over the next couple years according to a recent announcement from Mother Nature.