CAMBRIDGE, MA – Students at MIT have succeeded in building a robot with artificial intelligence capable of pressing an elevator button.

JEFFERSON PARISH, LA – A local filmmaker is growing more frustrated as people continue to ignore his film which he posted on the YouTube over a month ago.

VATICAN CITY – In an effort to prevent further molestation of young boys by priests in the Catholic Church, the Pope has announced a change to the way mass will be conducted. Young boys will no longer participate in mass and in their place priests will use young, attractive women.

“There willa be ah no morea alter boys inna the church,” said Cardinal Antonio Cassius of Italy.

WELLINGTON, VA – Local man Jefferson Porter rewarded his eight-year-old son with ice cream despite the fact that his son did not deserve any such reward.

BEIJING, CHINA – After several years of working through scenarios, China says it is strongly considering taking over the world in the next five to 10 years.
“We rook at evy-ting and we rearize tat (China) have evy-ting we need to take over word,” said Ma Zhaoxu, a spokesman for China’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs. “So maybe (China) just do it. Maybe we just take over word. Who stop us? America can not stop us now.”

PALM BEACH, FL – Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has admitted that he can no longer remember why he hates Democrats, poor people and minorities.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Five years ago the world became embroiled in a new war, one that has divided the world, especially the United States, along religious lines. That war is the War Against Christmas.
The war started simply enough – with one person trying to be considerate and another being a complete and total asshole.

CINCINNATI, OH – A Twitter outage has prevented local teen Dakota Lundstrom from communicating with her friends about her love of waffles.

KANSAS CITY, KS – According to friends, after his picture appeared on the front page of the local paper, Ryan Moss, 23 has let his new found celebrity go to his head.

TUCSON, AZ – According to a recent report released by the White House, the violence in Mexico border towns has reached “Lethal Weapon 3” levels – the highest level of violence seen in Mexico since 1972.