SILVERLAKE, CA – Friends of Dillon “Dilly” Feinberg were disappointed to discover that he actually likes things that are popular for un-ironic reasons.

TAMPA, FL –Republican Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney said Thursday that the real reason he has not released his past tax information is because his tax records contain the Anti-Life Equation.

“Believe me, I want to release the information, but if I were to do so, that would pretty much mean the end of life as we know it,” Romney said.

DALLAS, TX – Bullies across the United States have banded together to call for an end to the call for the end of bullying.

COLUMBUS, OH – Faced with a budget shortfall and a refusal to raise taxes, the Ohio state government voted to sell the state to Google.

With the shortfall estimated at more than three billion, the Ohio state government was faced with limited options to reduce the deficit.

“We thought about everything, except raising taxes,” said president of the Ohio Senate, Tom Niehaus.

FREDERICK, MD – Last month Treddle signed up for Twitter with the username FuckRogers6969696 and came to regret the decision almost immediately.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The footage for the 900 million dollar movie “Touching Orion’s Belt,” was lost as the spacecraft that filmed the movie caught fire while traveling through Earth’s atmosphere.

DAMASCUS, SYRIA – As the blood shed continues in Syria, experts on Middle East politics have begun to identify a number of possible reasons for the escalation in violence.

SEATTLE, WA – Developers have released some details of an eagerly anticipated video game, the third part in the best-selling “Geriatric” Series.

ATLANTA, GA – A college co-ed isn’t sure, but she thinks she regrets most of the events that occurred during her New Year’s Eve party.

WASHINGTON, DC – Despite knowing very little about North Korea, foreign policy experts think that the people of North Korea are probably sad at the passing of Kim Jong-il.