WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Democratic National Committee (DNC) leaders are scheduling urgent meetings to discuss how to get people to vote for candidates that the DNC wants them to vote for in the upcoming primaries instead of the candidates that the voter’s actually prefer.

OMAHA, NB – A local man has spent the last several hours trying, with limited success, to explain to his friend why listening to music on a vinyl record is better than streaming online.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has begun wearing a hand-made sash and a paper crown around the White House as well as some official events.

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Local woman, Vanessa Perez, told friends that no matter what she gets for Valentine’s Day, she “won’t do that thing” her husband wants her to do.

AUSTIN, TX –Despite numerous reminders of its existence, friends of local man Cameron Gluick have still not listened to Gluick’spodcast.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump was seen passing notes stating “will u go 2 war with me?” to other world leaders during a recent global economic summit.

KANSAS CITY, MO – Local woman Sandra Gow says that she isn’t sure she is “up for 2020.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump required assistance this week after getting his tongue stuck to a metal pole in the White House rose garden.

GLENDALE, AZ – After being visited by three ghosts, local businessman Walter Bandict, has announced that he will no longer offer his employees paid time off and medical benefits.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump released a statement late last evening indicating that the United States of America will return ownership of Alaska to Russia.