FLAGSTAFF, AZ – The much anticipated and celebrated 300th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper.

MESA, AZ – After returning from a first date with Rachelle Vargas, local man James Sheppard reported on his blog (alliwantisawomanbecuaseimlonely.blog.com) that Vargas looked nothing like her picture on Match.com.

DENTON, IL – Much like every year, Mike Ballard’s Halloween costume failed to get him any action. This year, dressed as an Oompa Loompa from the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie, Ballard didn’t even talk to a female he entire night.

HOUSTON, TX – A celebration of the United States Independence was marred as Jenny Thomas, 22, brought her new boyfriend Ahmed Waquar to her friends annual Pre-4th of July Bar-B-Que Spectacular.

LOUISVILLE, KY – The day after The Academy Is concert, Victoria Jorgensen, 22, was terrified to realize that she had accidentally slept with the band’s bass player – mistaking him for someone important in the band.

ST. LOUIS, MO – During a casual chat with friends, Benjamin Walters admitted that he, a Caucasian 18-year-old male, identifies with African-Americans.

MONTREAL, QUE – Friends and relatives of 27 year old Darren Grayson are grieving today at the fact that they have lost someone close to them. Wells was officially pronounced P-Whipped late last week.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – An eight-year-old girl has been arrested and charged with criminal mischief after presiding over the marriage of a male doll, Jonas, and a small, stuffed unicorn she named Beebee.
The girl, Cassie Weinrich, held the ceremony last month in her bedroom. While no other humans attended the wedding, authorities were called when Weinrich introduced the recently married couple to her elementary school teacher.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than a month left in his term as President of the United States, George W. Bush has admitted that he has “a severe case of senioritis.”

EVANSVILLE, IN – Online friends of Jason Delley notified local police this week after Delley failed to show up for a second consecutive World of Warcraft gaming session. Delley, who was listed as a missing person for over 36 hours, eventually resurfaced and informed his friends and family that he had actually been with his girlfriend.