PORTLAND, OR – Netflix users suffered a major blackout after a grandmother in Michigan changed her password, locking over 720,000 people out of Netflix.

WILMINGTON, NC – Jesus Christ has apologized for a controversial tweet he made last month after an intense online backlash.

NORTH POLE – Authors of a new book about Rudolph the “red-nosed reindeer” promise to change the way the Christmas icon is remembered.

MEMPHIS, TN – An office Christmas party was ruined when an employee brought an expensive bottle of wine to a white elephant gift exchange.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has approved the commission and construction of a new national monument to honor the lives lost in the War on Christmas.

WASHINGTON, DC – White House staff has removed all tinsel from White House Christmas decorations after President Donald Trump was seen pulling Tinsel off a Christmas tree and eating it.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In response to a number of negative books about him and his time as President, Donald Trump will publish his own book that he says he has written himself “on the very best paper and using the best coloring stick pencil things.”

CHICAGO, IL – During a team building exercise it was discovered that almost every employee of Vrenti Solutions is creeped out by the Human Resources specialist Ben Skokli.

CONWAY, AR – A local woman has been arrested for allegedly conspiring with Russian agents to ruin her ex-boyfriend’s birthday.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Panelists and the host of Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN are stuck in an infinite loop as show producers scramble to get the program back on track.