HOLLYWOOD, CA – As summer approaches and businesses begin reopening in full, people across the country are looking forward to heading out to their local movie theater to catch the newest summer blockbuster films.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of social and political pressure, social media companies will soon begin offering an option that will allow users to decline becoming racist.

CHICAGO, IL – Local software developer Andre Flutroe, 29, says he has become concerned about his increasing desire to purchase a pair of flip-flops sandals.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Several cardboard cutouts of fans started a brawl during a recent Philadelphia Flyers hockey game.

NORTH POLE – After testing positive for COVID-19, Santa Claus has been receiving a controversial new treatment that includes the souls of 450 children, among other ingredients, to help Claus recover from the deadly disease.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to multiple sources within the White House, President Trump has been hiding in a bunker since Halloween after he reported seeing “a ghost.”

ATLANTA, GA – As children across the country return to school concerns of exposure to and spread of COVID-19 have parents worried about their family’s safety.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has installed a new head of his COVID task force – a White House Intern that helped remove a computer virus from the President’s laptop.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House staffer has been fired for suggesting President Donald Trump stop licking and “doing blowfishes” on the White House windows.

DALLAS, TX – A local sports fan, Derrick Browdirt, has found himself unable to communicate with other males due to the cancellation of all sports and sporting events during the COVID-19 pandemic.