WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump signed an executive order this week renaming the central character in The Legends of Zelda video game.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – According to recent census data, Americans are flocking to large cities, specifically ones that are likely targets during a nuclear attack.
“Since the 2016 election, we’ve seen a sharp increase in people moving to cities that would be targeted first in a nuclear attack,” said U.S. Census Bureau representative, Kelly Zhou. “Cities like Los Angeles, New York, Washington D.C., Seattle – those cities are seeing a huge influx of people hoping to die right away when we end up in a nuclear war.”

OMAHA, NB – Local man Dean Waters, 27, is suing 10-year-old Lara Schriber for gender discrimination because Waters was not invited to Schriber’s “girls only” sleepover.

DALLAS, TX – The Valentine’s Day holiday can cause panic and anxiety for those looking for something original, exciting and romantic to do with their loved one.

SPOKANE, WA – Washington State University announced last week that it will be renaming the Edward R. Murrow College of Communication to BuzzFeed College of Clickbaiting.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hoping to win back white, male Star Wars fans, Disney is releasing a new edit of The Last Jedi with all non-white, male characters removed.

NEW YORK, NY – Decorating for the holidays has become competitive in many neighborhoods across the country regardless of one’s religion.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – White House staffers were both surprised and shocked earlier this week when Trump managed to staple his tie to his desk for the 63rd consecutive day.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – With the job market becoming increasingly competitive, being a good employee that works hard and works efficiently is more important than ever.

ATLANTA, GA – The internet has been going crazy with speculation that Ya Lun, a Giant Panda at the Atlanta Zoo, may hold the key to faster-than-light (FTL) space travel.