WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking Post-Election revelation, the source of the mysterious Qanon conspiracy theory has been revealed to be the marketing team for the soft drink Mountain Dew.

NEW YORK, NY – As the world becomes more dangerous, a growing trend is creating a list of “must do”s to be completed before one dies – commonly known as a “bucket list.”

BOSTON, MA – The single scientist who does not agree with the theory of global warming has admitted the only reason for his dissenting opinion is because he is mad at someone.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – With Fall settling over North America, television networks have begun rolling out their Fall lineups, offering new shows and reboots of past shows.

CLEVELAND, OH – Only a few seconds after he called in sick to work, co-workers of Carl Mayer set a new world record for speculation on Tuesday. Mayer, who claimed to have a sore throat and fever called in to his office at 7:37:24, and by 7:37:27 rumors were already running rampant about the true cause of his absence.