WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump was seen passing notes stating “will u go 2 war with me?” to other world leaders during a recent global economic summit.

PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 800th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper.

MEMPHIS, TN – An office Christmas party was ruined when an employee brought an expensive bottle of wine to a white elephant gift exchange.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In response to a number of negative books about him and his time as President, Donald Trump will publish his own book that he says he has written himself “on the very best paper and using the best coloring stick pencil things.”

DETROIT, MI – According to a recent report by the World Health Organization, most of the America’s population describes themselves as unhappy.

GOLDEN, CO – A local teen has been waiting for several hours for his YouTube post to register a view.

COLUMBUS, OH – Researchers at the Cleveland Clinic are studying soccer players around the world for their unique ability to recover quickly from injury.

WASHINGTON, DC – Several phsyicians have proposed a sweeping review of all medical procedure names with the possibility of renaming those procedures to “something a little happier.”

EVANSVILLE, IN – A local man’s “fart in a jar” office prank was not well received by his coworkers.

PROVIDENCE, RI – After three years of hearing the same anecdote repeated on a regular basis, Jason Wynn has told his roommate Jordan Zimmerman the story is no longer funny or interesting.