DALLAS, TX – To increase gay awareness, gay rights groups including the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) have adopted “truck nuts” as a symbol of gay pride.

LOUISVILLE, KY – Mere weeks after their protest of the PGA’s Masters tournament, members of the hate group the Klu Klux Clan have petitioned several local ice cream suppliers this week to remove the flavor chocolate from the popular Neapolitan ice cream. The group states that combining the dark chocolate ice cream with the white vanilla is “against God’s will.”

WASHINGTON D.C. – During his weekly radio address to the nation, President George W. Bush laid out his administration’s plan for post-war Iraq or as he referred to it “New Texas.” Bush plans to meet with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and other world leaders to discuss the plan later this month but detailed the plan in full for the American public.