Bush Reveals America's Plan For Rebuilding Post-War Iraq

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WASHINGTON D.C. – During his weekly radio address to the nation, President George W. Bush laid out his administration’s plan for post-war Iraq or as he referred to it “New Texas.” Bush plans to meet with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and other world leaders to discuss the plan later this month but detailed the plan in full for the American public.

“The way I see it, the Iraqi’s have two choices, learn to love country music… or get the hell out of the country,” Bush said. “It is important that we, as Americans show those Godless Muslims that they shouldn’t mess with America, and what better way to do that then sending over Texans to show them how it’s done?”

The current plan calls for 100,000 “average Texans” to move to Iraq and establish a new, American-friendly regime and help rebuild the country.

“I personally have spoken with several business owners and we agree that in order to rebuild Iraq, we have to start from the ground up. First thing we need to do is make sure that women are treated fairly and not as second class citizens. In order to do that we will be opening a brand new Hooters restaurant in downtown Baghdad after the war is over,” Bush said. “Secondly, we will be sending over a billion cases of Budweiser. We can’t have our honest, God-fearing Americans drinking that crap that they call Iraqi beer. I’ve had it, it tastes like urine. And believe me, I’ve drank my fair share of urine. And I’ve done a whole bunch of blow but that is a different story for a different time.”

The other aspects of the plan, as Bush outlined them, include teaching the Iraqi people to line dance and a public execution of Natalie Maines, lead singer of the music group The Dixie Chicks.

“Getting rid of Natalie Maines just makes sense,” Bush said. “I know that it’ll make a lot of people happy, but more importantly, we need to show those Iraqi’s that if they step outta line, POW! We’ll get them too. Americans may not like me but the Iraqi’s won’t have a choice”

Seen as a publicity stunt, many Americans have come out against Bush for his plans toward Iraq.

“That is just the stupidest thing that I have ever heard,” said Texas businessman Mark Everet. “I live in Texas. This place is a shithole, full of ignorant rednecks. If we’re gonna do that, we might as well bomb the poor bastards. At least then they’ have an option. Sending over Texans is downright cruel and unusual punishment.”


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