BUFFALO, NY – After several years of attempting to destroy Buffalo, New York, Mother Nature has asked the city’s population what it will take to get rid of the city once and for all.

MOUNT VERNON, WA – A report recently released by the Department of Animal Rights and Welfare concludes that Lewis is bad dog.

BOULDER, CO – Snowboarders around the world are getting ready to pretend they are actual athletes as they prepare for next month’s Winter Olympics.

PORTLAND, OR – Friends of local man, Jerod Greemes, are getting sick of hearing about how he doesn’t own, need or want a car.

TUCSON, AZ – Local bongo player, Steve “Ashy” Gregory, readily admits that he takes his bongo playing very seriously.

NEW YORK, NY – Shortly after a list of MC Hammer’s 10 best songs that start with the letter ‘K’ was posted on a blog, all entertainment websites announced they would cease operations and shut down.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – With Fall settling over North America, television networks have begun rolling out their Fall lineups, offering new shows and reboots of past shows.

FREDERICK, VA – Attendees of a current training course for Food and Drug Administration Inspectors agree that the trainer of the course has spent far too much time discussing personal issues.

WASHINGTON, DC – Despite protests from the North Pole and Keep Christmas Free, Congress passed a set of new laws aimed at reducing Santa Claus’ role in Christmas.

Under the new laws, presents can no longer be delivered by chimney, reindeer can not fly within 300 miles of a major metropolitan area and if stopped by police, Santa Claus must provide documentation proving his legal authority to travel within the United States.

ATLANTA, GA – In the wake of a national shortage of turkeys, the FDA in conjunction with the American Farmers Association has released a list of turkey alternatives for the upcoming holiday season.