45-Year-Old Won't Stop Dressing Like 15-Year-Old

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DENVER, CO – An intervention was held Saturday for 45-year-old mother of three Jacqueline Burke in order to help her stop dressing like a 15-year-old hooker. The intervention, supported by friends and family, came as a complete shock to Burke.

“I don’t know what those guys are talking about. I don’t have a problem. I just happen to like hot pants and lace halter-tops. A person should be able to dress however they like. They don’t need their sons and daughters complaining about it,” Burke said. “They’re just jealous. My daughter doesn’t look this good in hot pants. My son can’t either, and don’t think that I don’t know that he’s tried.”

Family and friends have become increasing more concerned about Burke’s choice of wardrobe and unwillingness to concede her age. After several failed attempts to confront Burke on an individual basis, they knew an intervention was the only way to reach her.

“She only shops at the Maurice’s and Buckle,” Burke’s 16 year old daughter Jenny said. “I don’t even shop at those places. The only people that shop at those places are whores. And my Mom. So I guess that you could say that my Mom’s a whore. But she doesn’t get paid as well. But if she did, that would be pretty cool ‘cus I’d be able to get my own car. It would be pretty weird, but still kinda cool.”

Burke spends an average of 130 dollars a week on the latest styles, most of which are described by her family as “clothes that Christina Aguleria wouldn’t even wear.” But while her family looks down on her clothes, Burke has no intention of stopping.

“No way will I ever wear just a dress or slacks. It has to have style and show off the bottom half of my butt cheeks… or a serious amount of cleavage. Sure I’m 45 but I still look hot. I see the way my daughter’s boyfriends look at me. Hell, I’ve even had a few of them, but only ‘cus my girl won’t put out,” Burke said.

Despite Burke’s unwillingness to change, those involved in the intervention hold on to the hope that one day Burke will dress like a 45-year-old and shop at Dillards.

“We pray every night and for holidays we give her gift certificates to Sears and Dress Barn but she just tosses them aside. We wont stop trying to help. We love her too much to just let her do this to herself and anyone who has to see her. We will keep trying,” said James Burke, Jacqueline’s husband.


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