New Dodge Minivans Will Come with French Fries Already Underneath Seats

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New Dodge Caravan models will come with French Fries already installed under each car seat.
New Dodge Caravan models will come with French Fries already installed under each car seat.
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DETROIT, MI – Automobile manufacturer Dodge has announced an update to its popular Caravan minivan. Beginning this fall, all new Caravan minivans will come with a French Fry underneath each seat.

“(Dodge) has been so focused on features like automatic doors and large display screens that we forgot the little things. The things that really make a minivan a minivan,” said Dodge Chief Executive Officer, Dashel Malone. “That’s why all new models of the Dodge Caravan will come with a French fry under the seats. Thank you. I know. We are amazing.”

Dodge engineers came up with the idea of installing French Fries after they were challenged to “think outside the box” and give customers what they really need.

“Every car in America has French Fries under the seats. And that is especially true of minivans,” said Dodge Design Engineer, Steve Ruttle. “Up to now, getting those French Fries under the seats has been the responsibility of our customers but we thought that maybe it was time we throw our loyal Dodge-aholics a bone. So from now on, those fries are on us.”

The standard Caravan models will come with a single French Fry under each seat in the minivan. For an extra cost, consumers can customize the type, number and placement of additional French Fries.

“The standard model will have the McDonalds style fry under the seats but if you want like, a crinkle cut or Wendy’s style fry then that will be a little extra,” said Dodge Marketing Director, Sheldon Crestly. “What is really exciting is the premium package that includes an Arby’s style curly fry with ‘mystery’ sauce on it. Is it ketchup? Is it horsey sauce? No one knows, and that’s the simplistic beauty of it all.”

Additional features that may be purchased include Taco Bell Hot Sauce and Ketchup packets in the glove compartment, Starbucks napkins in the center console, and Goldfish crackers smashed into the carpet.

“We are in an age where the average consumer is tired of doing everything themselves,” said Malone. “(Dodge) has decided that we are going to give something back to our loyal customers and give them not only a bigger bang for their buck, but something that just might come in handy one day. Let’s say you’re on a long road trip and your seven-year-old son won’t shut the fuck up about being hungry. But here’s the thing. You stopped for lunch an hour ago and the little asshole ate two bites of his hamburger and said he was done. Now here you are, in the middle of fucking Wyoming with nothing around for 1,000 miles and he says he hungry. BAM! French fry.”

Dodge’s competitors say they are waiting to see how successful the French Fry feature rollout is before they look to make similar design decisions.

“I’m going to be honest here, this is either the smartest, or dumbest, thing in automobile innovation since seatbelts,” said Ford CEO, Michael LeBlatt. “Really, I could see it going either way. Some people are really going to like the idea of having the fries there, while others are going to think it’s a little weird. We’re going to wait and see what the overall opinion is and how the sales numbers look. But let me tell you. We’ve got some big things planned with chicken nuggets if this is a hit.”

The new Dodge Caravan minivans with the additional French fry’s will be hitting dealerships later this year.


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