HOLLYWOOD, CA – Reality TV is about to get a whole lot more real. Over the past couple months, viewers have seen the Osbournes stir up trouble and say the word “fuck” a lot on MTV and this month Americas favorite fat-girl-gone-cute-girl-gone-super-rich-gone-super-fat-girl, Anna Nicole Smith debuts her own version of the reality TV show on E!. Oh what a great time to be alive!
The best part about the whole thing is that it ain’t about to stop there. Let me tell you. Have you ever known TV executives to bury a good thing? I thought not. Well this upcoming TV season will feature plenty of reality TV series based on celebrities, and I for one am as giddy as the proverbial schoolgirl. And not the good schoolgirl that does her homework, I’m talking about the schoolgirl who hangs out with boys behind the bleachers trading licks and smoking. And you all know what I mean by smoking!
NBC starts their new season off giving their own spin on the celebrity reality show. Camera crews will follow Dustin Diamond, yes, the guy who played Schreech on “Saved By the Bell,” around day and night giving viewers a look into the life and beauty that is Dustin’s world. This show will reveal every thing that you ever wanted to know about Schreech. What kind of toothpaste does he use? Will he ever get another acting gig? Did he really steal a pair of co-star and super hottie Tiffany Amber Thiesien’s panties and does he wear them on his head at night as he dances to Sting’s “Roxanne?” I guess we wont know till the show debuts in the fall.
In November the FOX network will release their own spin on the by now familiar idea. Forget “Temptation Island,” welcome to “Baioville!” In this hot, hot, hot new show, viewers will be given the glorious opportunity to watch every Sunday as former star Scott Baio drives up and down sunset strip looking to pick up an attractive woman or if all else fails, a hooker. The camera crew will be with Scott from the time he gets ready until the time he goes into his bedroom, either alone or with company. So what if he’s got a little gut and a few wrinkles around his eyes, I’d still let Charles be in charge of me if you know what I mean. Should be exciting stuff!
Not to be outdone by the competition, CBS has unveiled plans for its own celebrity real world as it enlists Bea Arthur in “Bea Real.” I’ve seen the pilot for this show and all I can say is ‘WOW.’ Who would’ve thought that following around a goliath geriatric could be so darned entertaining? I can honestly say that I cried, and I bet you will too, when Bea broke down and cried as she found out Bambi’s mom dies. Powerful stuff.
With all these juicy bits, it’s hard to believe that this is only the top of the barrel. In total, there are going to be 17 new celebrity reality shows hitting the airwaves in the next couple months. Be there when Hulk Hogan gets his bitch tits drained on “Headlocked!?!” Cry when Richard Grieco watches Johnny Depp’s newest film. It will be an amazing season. I can honestly say that I haven’t been this excited about a TV season since I heard that “Capitol Critters” was going to get a second season.