WINSLOW, AZ – Some of the nation’s most prominent methamphetamine (meth, as it is known on the streets) dealers have united to put together an ad campaign to combat the negative, anti-meth ads which have recently started airing across the country. Citing the anti-meth ads paint meth dealers and users as lower class addicts, the ads produced by the meth dealers will show the positive things about meth an how it helps the community.

“Shiiiiitt! Man, we ain’t all be worthless trash like dey been showin’ on that TV! I knows this one guy, he, uh, man… he’s fuckin‘… um, yeah. Get offa my shit! Hold on,” said Meth dealer and user Tre Strong. “So… it’s not bad all the time. There is some, um, really kick-ass times when you high. Like, shit, this one time, I… what? No! No! Get that fuckin’ spider away from me! Fuckin’ stab it – with your mind you dick!”

The group of dealers hired writer and director Vincent Gallo to produce five television ads. The first ad, which will air during this years Stanley Cup Playoffs on ABC, will feature a family of five playing board games and doing meth together in the living room of an upper middle-class home.

“See, what’s so poignant about this scene is that hey, look, people on meth aren’t all crazy,” Gallo said. “Sure they may eat babies and try to carve the ‘bugs’ out of their arms, but they still love a good old fashioned game of Monopoly. They still love their families. They still might trip out and sucker punch their mom in the throat, but that’s not what we’re focusing on here. We’re looking at the good times, nay, great times, that one can have on meth.”

Another commercial, the first to air will show a father and son playing basketball in the front drive way of a suburban house. At the end of the commercial the father and son share some meth in what Gallo calls “one of the most genuine and heartwarming moments in commercial history.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen the commercials. They be fuckin’ great, shit, man. No! Yeah, I mean. When that kid and that dad guy do hit that shit at the same time I almost cried. Especially when his face melted because of the acid that was coming from the ceiling. If I was on set when that shit was filmed I would have jizzed all over both of those actors to let them know how much I love them,” said meth user Gregory “Snakeskin” Reynolds.

Not surprising, numerous anti drug groups have come out in strong opposition to the new commercials.

“Holy shit are those commercials a bad idea,” said Peter Lawrence, president of Meth Sucks!, a group committed to stopping meth use in teens and parents. “Meth is a bad, dangerous drug. You may be wondering how I know. Well, two years ago I was a struggling student. I got caught up with ‘the wrong crowd,’ and they introduced me to meth. They told me that sex was so much better on meth, and it was, but soon, I found myself getting high, five, six times a day. It got to the point where I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without ‘mething out. I was pretty sad. And now you may be wondering ‘Pete, how did you clean up?’ Well, coke. It’s a much better high than meth will ever be. It might be a little more expensive but God damn! It’s a hellova drug. That chick over there knows what I’m talking about. Right sweetheart?”