Limbaugh Can’t Remember Why He Hates Minorities

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Radio host Rush Limbaugh can't remember why he hates Democrats so much but thinks it's probably because of all the drugs he does.
Radio host Rush Limbaugh can't remember why he hates Democrats so much but thinks it's probably because of all the drugs he does.

PALM BEACH, FL – Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has admitted that he can no longer remember why he hates Democrats, the environment, poor people and minorities.

“I’ve been trying to remember just why it is that I hate everything that isn’t white and rich and I… I just can’t do it,” said Limbaugh. “To be fair though, I’ve done a lot, and I mean a lot, of drugs in the past several years. That may be why I struggle to remember but it certainly isn’t the cause. I hated minorities and poor people long before I started taking Oxycotton by the barrel full.”

While Limbaugh’s views and comments have caused controversy for years, his recent comments about President Barak Obama and the crisis in Haiti have provoked questions as to where Limbaugh’s hate originates.

“The things (Limbaugh) says are so racist, so elitist and so grossly inaccurate that the only place comments like that could come from are a deep seated internal hatred possibly due to a sever childhood trauma,” said Psychologist Shay Levian. “He was probably rapped by his dad or priest or something and instead of turning on those people he turned on everything else. That and the drugs that he takes probably don’t help his realistic view of the world. That’s important. We have to remember that Rush Limbaugh is a drug addict. He’s a big, fat, bigoted drug addict that should have his mouth sewn shut so that no one ever has to hear another word from his fat fucking mouth.”

While many of his listeners are seldom shocked by his comments many have come to assume that his hatred of Democrats, the environment, poor people and minorities stems from his lack of education and addiction to drugs.

“It don’t make no difference if’n he rememberin’ why he hates the things he hates. He didna gradiate from no college. That’s prolly why he hate everything. That be why I hates everythin’,” said Limbaugh listener William “Billy” Wayne Johnson Jr. “I likes the things he say but I also hate Democrats, the environment, poor people and minorities. But I ain’t a drug addict like him. I’m just dumb and don’t know no better.”

For those on the other end of the hatred, Limbaugh’s comments are just written off as the ramblings of a drug addicted asshole.

“I don’t like the shit he says but I feel for the man, because I know that I can say some fucked up shit when I’m high as shit,” said Bailey Benjamin, a 30 year old drug dealer. “One time, when I was all fucked up on Oxy’s, I told people that we should totally fuckin’ forget about the people of Haiti because they’re poor and black. That is totally not like me. I love black people. The best lay I ever had was this black chick that I fucked while we were both fucked up on meth. Anyways, I can totally see that drugs make you do and say some fucked up things. Especially when you’re as hard core of an addict as that guy is.”

Although Limbaugh can no longer remember why he hates Democrats, the environment, poor people and minorities, he isn’t concerned by the memory loss and plans on continuing to hate Democrats, the environment, poor people and minorities for what ever reason he does.

“Why change?” said Limbaugh. “I don’t have to really know what I’m talking about or stop taking drugs to know that hating Democrats, the environment, poor people, and minorities makes me, excuse the language, fucking rich. So who cares why I hate. I hate and I take drugs and I’m rich so I don’t care. My listeners don’t care. The Republican Party doesn’t care why I’m a hate-filled drug addict so why should I?”

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