NASHVILLE, TN – Country singer Glenn Coventry is considering posting a video of himself using the N-word to boost record sales for his new album.
“First of all, I am 100% against racism,” said Coventry. “But I do have a new album out and the record label, it ain’t so pleased with the way it’s been sellin’. So we started thinking about ways to get people buyin’ my album and, well, getting called out for usin’ the N-word is a sure fire way to boost sales. I ain’t racist but folk that are racist sure do like buying records from people that use the N-word. White people who use the N-word, I mean. Probably didn’t need to say that though.”
To date Coventry’s new album, Down Low Boogie Blues, has sold only 1,000 copies.
“(Coventry) has put together an ok album. It’s not great and it’s not bad. It’s just ok,” said Country Radio Disc Jockey, Red Reed. “He has all the right stuff in there – trucks, America, freedom, misogyny, home erotic imagery… but he ain’t got that one thing that Country music listeners really want from their artists – underlying racism. Unfortunately, in order to get that he might have to have an ‘episode’ of out-right racism that he can deny, then apologize for. Country fans eat that stuff up, boy I tell ya. Ain’t nothin’ that gets a Country music fan going like seeing someone get in trouble for being racist. Hell, it’d probably give them all ragin’ boners if COVID hadn’t crippled all their wieners.”
Coventry’s manager, Denny Robluck, suggested releasing a video that is guaranteed to cause a media firestorm to help increase album sales.
“Sure there are ways to get Coventry’s name out there and boost album sales that aren’t racist but those are a lotta work,” said Robluck. “(Coventry) is real hesitant to use the N-word but then I showed him the album sales from the last guy that got ‘caught’ using the N-word and he changed his mind. I mean it’s really a sure fire way to get some interest in something. Let just say he’s in an, I don’t know, let’s say Burger King. And he just happens to tell his companion that ‘those n-words sure know how to grill a burger.’ And let’s say that when he does that, some teen doing a Tock-Tick happens to catch it. I mean it pretty much writes itself.”
There have been several instances in the last couple years of country musicians getting exposed for using racist and derogatory language only to have their album sales increase.
“The real key is to make the comment not bad,” said Robluck. “Take a look at the example I just gave. Is saying that someone knows how to cook a burger a bad thing? No, it’s a compliment. Everyone likes compliments. What you don’t want is someone like Kenny ‘Big Outlaw’ Duchen who went all out and dressed up in a KKK outfit. Yeah, that one didn’t work out so well.”
Despite the enthusiasm around the idea from his record label, Coventry is still unsure about the plan.
“I mean, yeah it looks good on paper, but do I really want to be that guy?” said Coventry. “What I should do is just learn my lesion about this album and take that with me to make a better one. But then again, sayin’ the n-word is easier. Geez, I just don’t know. I just got to figure this out. What if I used a Mexican slur? Do you think that would work? Because I really don’t like Mexicans.”