Sanctions Imposed on Russian Porn After Russian Invasion of Ukraine

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The United States and the European Union have blocked access to all Russian made pornography in response to Russia's invasion of Ukraine.
The United States and the European Union have blocked access to all Russian made pornography in response to Russia's invasion of Ukraine.

NEW YORK, NY – The United States of America and the European Union announced drastic new sanctions against Russia as a result of the war in Ukraine. The sanctions will block the import of any pornography from Russia.

The new sanctions will have a significant impact on the Russian economy as pornography accounts for 83% of Russian gross domestic product (GDP).

“Russian aggression has forced our hand so today we are announcing the most severe sanctions we have ever implemented. We will shut off access to Russian Pornography,” said President of the Commission of the European Union, Ursula von der Leyen. “We realize this will hurt citizens around the world, but we cannot let Russia’s actions go unpunished as they continue their war in Ukraine.”

The new sanctions will block access to Russian made pornography in the United States and European Union countries. According to some pornography websites, this will reduce the available content by as much as 70%.

“On Pornhub for instance, 40% of videos are sourced in Russia. But on the cam sites, those are almost 90% Russian,” said Pornhub Director of Content, Rod Strong. “I’ve been told by insiders that most of the other sites are in the same ratio. When you look at our content breakdown, you’ve got 30% is ‘step sibling’ videos and when you add in the Russian stuff, you’ve really only got about 10 to 20% left. And most of that is either Furry stuff or big butts. So eliminating Russian videos is going to make a huge impact on the industry.”

Ukraine supporters have proposed that pornography viewers support Ukraine but watching porn made in that country.

“The good news is that although Russia is getting blocked, Ukraine actually produces a serious amount of porno and watching that porno and supporting that porno you are actually helping Ukraine out so… it’s a win-win. You get to get off and (Ukraine) gets to buy weapons,” said Ukrainian Diplomat, Sergi Kozlovodov. “I suppose with all of this fighting we’re going to be getting porno new categories. Soldiers? Amputee? Refugee? All I can say is things that will be coming out of Ukraine are going to be pretty wild over the next few months.”

In light of the sanctions, Russia has responded by trying to produce new and unique types of pornography that would be impossible for citizens of the United States and the European Union to live without.

“Ve are tryink to produce ze new porno the world vill not vant to live vitout,” said Russian Porn star Vlad the ImpaleHer. “Ve are creating new place and time like girl in Ukraine panties having her vagina invaded by superior Russian Army. You know, like ‘Vhat are you doink step country?’ And ve vill have bears. Real bears. And also sexy tanks. It vill be glorious like Mother Russia.”

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