LEESBURG, VA – A local homeless man says that he has developed a plan for balancing the budget and addressing all of The United States of America’s current financial concerns.

AUSTIN, TX – A solution to concerns over redistricting and illegal immigration is being proposed by Texas lawmakers to address a recent slew of lawsuits surrounding the 2010 census.

BROOKLYN, NY – A local Democrat has become so angry with the government that she is taking a strong stand by updating her blog. Rochelle Avery has updated her blog 17 times in the last three months.

BETHESDA, MD – At a rally just outside of Bethesda, Jesus Christ announced to a gathered crowd of more than 35,000 that he wants the recently passed Health Care Reform legislation repealed.
“This so-called ‘health reform’ is illegal and un-American,” said Christ. “Obama and his team of communists have forced health care down our throats. This isn’t what I teach!”

BETHESDA, MD – Insurance lobbyist Larry Branagan is begging Congress to give him what he wants most for Christmas – no public health care option whatsoever under any new health care related legislation.

CRAZYTOWN, US – The Mayor of Crazytown, Captain Artimis Buckminster III, says the protesting that has accompanied recent health care reform town halls has been well within his expectations.

SANTA CRUZ, CA – An epidemic is sweeping the nation as the popular website Twitter is being used more and more regularly to post vague and generally uninteresting messages.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States government has agreed to allow financial institutions the opportunity to pay for the naming rights on American prisons.

PHOENIX, AZ – While it’s been several months since former President Bush left office, his administration’s immigration plan is starting to come together as Mexican nationals are leaving to return to Mexico.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In another bailout request, Santa Claus appeared before Congress this week asking for $45 billion in order to continue operations and ensure “Christmas happens as it should.”