New Startup Will Transfuse Customers with Irish Blood for St. Patrick's Day
Published March 2026 0 Comments | Share:
A-verice will transfuse customers with 100% Irish blood in time for St. Patrick's Day.
BOSTON, MA – A new startup company is aiming to cash in on the St. Patrick’s Day holiday by temporarily turning people Irish through “biologic swaps.”
The company, A-verice, will give customers looking for an “authentic Irish experience” a blood transfusion with blood that is guaranteed to be from Ireland.
“St. Patrick’s Day is one of our greatest holidays and… we all want to be Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, right?” said A-verice CEO, Matt Ferdell. “Well, A-verice can make that happen. We call it a ‘bio swap’. And with the bio swap we can guarantee you a 100% authentic Irish experience this St. Patrick’s Day by taking out your non-Irish blood and replacing it with blood that is 100% Irish!”
According to A-verice spokesperson, Cinthia Manson, the procedure is relatively safe and will come with a certificate of Irish blood authenticity.
“The procedure, start to finish, takes about three hours as we will remove all of your current blood and replace it with 100% Irish blood,” said Manson. “And yeah, it’s pretty safe. I mean, it’s not totally safe because… you know, we are removing literally all of your blood and replacing it, hopefully, with different blood. But it will be fine. The AI models that we ran said it should be safe so people don’t need to worry. And of course, all of our ‘donors’ are 100% Irish, so no one will miss them. Oh… I don’t think I was supposed to say that.”
Since announcing the Irish blood infusion service, Ferdell says more than 20,000 people have ordered the service in the Boston area alone.
“We aren’t dummies. We know that if you want to cash in the Irish and St. Patrick’s Day in America you come to Boston,” said Ferdell. “But let’s be real for a second. People in Boston… are not the brightest bulbs. I mean could actually pump them full of Irish goat blood and they would totally believe that we gave them blood from an actual human. Not that we would actually do that. I’m just saying that we could. All right, we did try it once and it kinda worked, but we’re totally not going to do that again. This year. Probably.”
One of the first people to sign up for the Irish blood transfusion is Donny Kennedy, who says he wants to “do St. Patty’s Day like a real fuckin’ Mick.”
“Yoooooo! Me and Jamie gonna go on down there and get our blood greened up bitch! Gonna be wicked as fuck bro!” said Kennedy. “I always wanted to be Irish. Real Irish! Not just, whatever dumb percentage I am now ‘cus ma got banged in a Trans-am in high school by Uncle Collin. But don’t fuckin’ be weird about it! He ain’t like a real uncle. Just like one of those guys that that you call Uncle because he always hangs around ‘cus he banged your mom a bunch.”
If the initial rollout in Boston proves successful, A-verice will expand to other metropolitan areas like New York and Los Angeles with an ultimate goal of having at least one center in each state by next March.
“We’re slowing rolling things out, but we’ll be everywhere next year,” said Ferdell. “The tricky part is finding enough Irish ‘donors’. But hey, we can always use goats, right? Nah, I’m just kidding. Kinda.”
Comments