WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House staffer has been fired for suggesting President Donald Trump stop licking and “doing blowfishes” on the White House windows.

DALLAS, TX – A local sports fan, Derrick Browdirt, has found himself unable to communicate with other males due to the cancellation of all sports and sporting events during the COVID-19 pandemic.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Vice President Mike Pence has been sent to a maintenance shop after aides forgot to plug the Vice President in to a power source before the long holiday vacation.

Costa Mesa, CA – Halloween is coming at the end of the month and The Scoop News has reached out to several costume stores across the country to compile a list of this year’s best selling costumes.

LITTLE ROCK, AR – Nearly all passengers in a minivan headed towards the Atlantic coast have complained about the music selections made during the road trip.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Cirque Du Soleil will be debuting a new show based on the life and music of GG Allin this month. The new show, Cirque Du Soleil: Eat My Fuc, is named after one of Allin’s earliest releases.

DETROIT, MI – According to a recent report by the World Health Organization, most of the America’s population describes themselves as unhappy.

SEATTLE, WA – The company behind the popular Dungeons & Dragons role playing game has announced a new expansion set giving players more options for character classes and new campaigns.

WASHINGTON, DC – After working on it for a year and a half, President Donald Trump has finished coloring the first page of his Presidential Coloring book.

WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump has been sitting in bed, starring at a paused image of the television show “Fox and Friends” for three hours, waiting for the program to continue.
“(Trump) has no idea that the TV is paused. He’s just sitting there watching it, waiting for the people to continue talking,” said head of Trump’s Secret Service detail, Ken Posher. “God, it’s been over three hours now and Trump is just sitting there, in his bed, with his fucking hamburgers, starring at his TV that is paused. Three fucking hours now. Every day we are reminded that Trump is a dumb, dumb man. Historically dumb.”