QUEENS, NY – Local 11-year-old Christian, Bradly Mickleson, wishes he was Jewish so he could celebrate Hanukah and receive gifts for eight consecutive days.

NEW YORK CITY – The holiday season is here and parents will soon begin looking for the perfect toys for their children.

As it has done for the past 30 years, The Scoop News has interviewed several toy industry insiders and has compiled a list of toys that are expected to be some of this year’s hottest sellers.

CINCINNATI, OH – Local grandmother has told her family that she just wants a normal Thanksgiving Dinner this year without any “craziness.”

MISSOULA, MT – The hologram of deceased rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard was arrested twice and fathered four children during last month’s Shamalabam Music Festival.

The Ol’ Dirty Bastard hologram appeared during the Wu-Tang Clan rap group’s set.

“We can confirm that the rapper hologram Ol’ Dirty Bastard was arrested twice this past weekend,” said Missoula Police Department Spokesman Terri Bobrovsky.

WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to increase their social media presence and communicate their platform more efficiently to younger Americans, the Republican Party has started a program to teach its base how to use the internet.

“Republicans need to start tweeting and Facebooking and Yelping and they just need to start being online more. A lot more,” said Republican Strategist William Smithson.

MOBILE, AL – In an effort to ensure kids grow up to become successful and that comedy remains funny, parents have been asked to stop telling their children that they are funny.

During a conference aimed at reducing the amount of unfunny and unsuccessful teenagers, the American Society for Child Development, the Comedy Writers Guild of America and the American Association of Psychologists agreed children should not be told they are funny by their parents.

WASHINGTON, DC – With the presidential election well in the past, most republican Christians are relieved that they can finally go back to being skeptical and suspicious of Mormons.

FAIRFAX, VA – After receiving tremendous backlash to its response to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting late last year, the National Rifle Association has released a new response suggesting that each school in the country should deploy robotic sentry guards.

“We realize that our comments after the Sandy Hook tragedy were not very popular and made (the NRA) look like horrible monsters but that’s not who the NRA is. The NRA cares about guns and people. Not just guns. But mostly guns.”

CHICAGO, IL — Over the past years Consumer Reports has provided parents with a valuable list: the hottest toys for the upcoming Holiday season. Retailers across the country often stock up on the highlighted toys in order to satisfy the anticipated high demand and hopefully minimize the violent incidents that have happened in the past between crazed parents.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A wildfire north of Los Angeles has destroyed one of the largest teen idol factories in the country, jeopardizing the supply of teen idols.