Coworker Says “Merry Christmas” Too Aggressively
Published November 2013MODESTO, CA – Over the past several weeks local Christian Jerome Hopkins has been aggressively wishing co-workers a “merry Christmas,” regardless of his coworkers’ actual religious beliefs.
Networks Unveil New Shows for Fall Television Season
Published September 2013HOLLYWOOD, CA – Over the last several weeks television networks have started rolling out their Fall schedule.
CIA Ready to Release New Diet Crack
Published September 2013WASHINGTON, D.C. – Almost 30 years after the release of Crack Cocaine, the Central Intelligence Agency is releasing an updated, diet version of the popular drug.
According to a spokesman at the CIA, the new diet Crack cocaine will be marketed under the name DCrack and will follow a similar marketing strategy as the current Crack, which will now be marketed as Original Crack.
Republicans to Teach Base How to Use Internet
Published May 2013WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to increase their social media presence and communicate their platform more efficiently to younger Americans, the Republican Party has started a program to teach its base how to use the internet.
“Republicans need to start tweeting and Facebooking and Yelping and they just need to start being online more. A lot more,” said Republican Strategist William Smithson.
Leaks Shine New Light on Pope Selection Process
Published March 2013VATICAN CITY – Now that a new Pope, Francis I, has taken his place as the head of the Catholic Church, details are beginning to leak as to just how the new Pope was elected.
Anti-iPhone Sentiment Prematurely Ends Relationship
Published October 2012SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The budding romantic relationship between Eddie Freirs and Rebecca Staller ended abruptly last week after Staller revealed her feelings about the iPhone.
California Wild Fire Destroys Teen Idol Factory
Published July 2012LOS ANGELES, CA – A wildfire north of Los Angeles has destroyed one of the largest teen idol factories in the country, jeopardizing the supply of teen idols.
American Moving to Greenland for Chance at Olympic Gold
Published July 2012TULSA, OK – In preparation for the 2016 Olympics, local Walt Brerger has declared that he will be moving to Greenland to complete for the country in the beach volleyball event.
Local Man Serious About End-of-the-World Bucket List
Published July 2012CASPER, WY – A local man told friends and family this week that he is ready to get serious about his bucket list.
Supreme Court to Hear Talking Heads Case
Published April 2012WASHINGTON, DC – The Supreme Court is all set to wrap up their judicial year with what many are calling “the case of the century” – Frantz v. Byrne.
The case was brought to the Supreme Course by former Talking Heads drummer Chris Frantz who is suing former Talking Heads lead singer David Byrne. The intent of the suit is to force Byrne to reform Talking Heads so that Frantz, and other former members of the band can “get paid.”