CHICAGO, IL – In response to complaints about high prices, McDonald’s announced plans to reduce the price of menu items but add new service fees.

NORTH POLE – Santa Co. has announced that it will be laying off 30% of its workforce to reduce costs in the wake of rising labor and material costs.

PITTSBURGH, PA – A new study out of the University of Pittsburgh shows that a large majority of Generation Z is not planning to have children because “fuck that.”

WASHINGTON, DC – After the positive reactions to the Student Loan Debt cancelation, President Joe Biden announced a new plan to forgive up to $100 in I.O.U.s.

LOS ANGELES, CA – OnlyFans subscribers are feeling the impact of inflation as the amount of content they receive for their subscriptions has decreased.

NEW YORK, NY – The United States of America and the European Union announced drastic new sanctions against Russia as a result of the war in Ukraine. The sanctions will block the import of any pornography from Russia.

SACREMENTO, CA – As the drought continues, the state government of California has issued new laws and policies to conserve water and reduce strain on rivers and aquifers.

TRENTON, NJ – As summer begins, so does the season of home renovations. The cold weather is gone and home owners across the country will begin heading to hardware stores for the supplies to make needed or wanted improvements to their homes.

According to Home Re-Do Magazine’s editor Glenda Hershet, this year’s most popular home improvement project is the addition of a sex dungeon.

COLUMBUS, OH – Faced with a budget shortfall and a refusal to raise taxes, the Ohio state government voted to sell the state to Google.

With the shortfall estimated at more than three billion, the Ohio state government was faced with limited options to reduce the deficit.

“We thought about everything, except raising taxes,” said president of the Ohio Senate, Tom Niehaus.

TUCSON, AZ – The lack of an iPad gift this year has proved to local seven-year-old Gracie Martinez that Jesus doesn’t exist and that there is no such thing as god.