SILVER SPRINGS, MD – Even after 30 years, local atheist Jon Weaver is still complaining about Christmas. Weaver, an atheist since a young age, spends much of his December annoyed by all things Christmas related.

SEATTLE, WA – Due to a lack of quality retail space in several of America’s larger markets, Starbucks will begin a new expansion strategy that will open new Starbucks coffee shops inside existing Starbucks. The new Starbucks stores will be smaller than existing ones but will offer a full menu.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – With Global Warming becoming the hot topic among television and radio talk show hosts, celebrities have begun using their massive political influence and scientific expertise to help protect and revive aspects of the environment.

WASHINGTON D.C – With President Bush’s approval rating at an all time low, the White House unveiled a new method for acquiring the approval rating during a press conference earlier this week.

VENTURA, CA – Friends and family of the TV star Cookie Monster held what they are referring to as “a successful intervention” last month in an effort to get Monster clean and free from his cookie addiction.

REDWOOD, CA – In an effort to cash in on some publicity and make a little money, Wanda and Dave Roman have decided to put their baby, little Dave Jr., up for auction on the website eBay. The baby, which bears a resemblance to former President Abraham Lincoln, has a starting bid of five dollars.

DAMASCUS, SYRIA – Just days after appearing in the desert outside of Tadmur, the alternate universe version of George W. Bush has taken control of Syria by an undisputed win in the countries general election held last week.

WALA WALA, WA – After an intense investigation by both the FBI and INTERPOL, officials from both agencies have announced that they have arrested Oberon Junior High student Adam Kent, 14, in connection with several high profile weather related crimes, including the recent tsunami in Indonesia.

MADESTO, CA – With Halloween in just a few weeks away, retailers around the country have released their top 10 costumes of 2004. The list, compiled by 50 of the countries leading retailers, is said to be an “interesting look at the American culture.”

BERKLEY, CA – Three major gasoline companies gave in to pressure from local protestors this week and lowered gas prices by 15 cents. This marks the first time that gas companies have ever reduced the price of gas because of protests.