Local Mother Refuses to Get Flu Shot for Fear of Autism
Published September 2014PASADENA, CA – Local mother, Jane Herbst, is refusing to get a flu shot because she read an internet blog post recently that may or may not have said there was a connection between autism and flu shots.
Local Residents Not Surprised by Tragedy
Published November 2013LEXINGTON, SC – The people of Lexington were not surprised at all with the tragedy that occurred earlier this week. The tragic events, which left the nation stunned, had little impact on the residents of the community.
“Yeah, no, I wasn’t surprised by it at all, said Lexington resident Jasper Kneeper.
CIA Ready to Release New Diet Crack
Published September 2013WASHINGTON, D.C. – Almost 30 years after the release of Crack Cocaine, the Central Intelligence Agency is releasing an updated, diet version of the popular drug.
According to a spokesman at the CIA, the new diet Crack cocaine will be marketed under the name DCrack and will follow a similar marketing strategy as the current Crack, which will now be marketed as Original Crack.
Local Man Takes Bongo Playing Too Seriously
Published July 2013TUCSON, AZ – Local bongo player, Steve “Ashy” Gregory, readily admits that he takes his bongo playing very seriously.
Entertainment Blogs Shut Down After Ranking Everything
Published February 2013NEW YORK, NY – Shortly after a list of MC Hammer’s 10 best songs that start with the letter ‘K’ was posted on a blog, all entertainment websites announced they would cease operations and shut down.
Time Machine Bring 15 Republicans Back From 1959
Published April 2012WASHINGTON, DC – Earlier this week temporal scientists announced some good news and some bad news today regarding time travel.
27 Clubers Complaining About Growing Membership
Published July 2011AFTERLIFE – Long-time members of the famous 27 Club are voicing concerns that the club is no longer exclusive as more people are allowed to become members.
Wisconsin Passes New, Indentured Labor Laws
Published May 2011MADISON, WI – The Wisconsin State Legislature has passed new laws that Governor Scott Walker says will “make the Wisconsin work force more attractive to companies.” The laws will allow companies to pay workers in credit, charge for the use of equipment, and allow companies to chain workers to workstations.
“We’ve ensured that every company will have employees that are… forced to work for them” said Senator Lena Taylor.
Protestors Call for Mayor McCheese to Step Down
Published February 2011MCDONALD CITY, MCDONALDLAND- Violence has escalated in the capital city of McDonaldland as millions have taken to the streets protesting the government and calling for the removal of Mayor McCheese.
“McCheese is a monster and he must go!” said protester Patty McHambuerger. “We will not stand behind him anymore! Someone should eat his face!”
New Report Concludes Most of the Irish Population Are Alcoholic
Published February 2010BOSTON, MA – A recent sociological study out of the Harvard University has concluded that 83% percent of Irish people are alcoholics.