WORCESTER, MA – A group of teenagers has been arrested for the assault and harassment of a local mill owner. The teenagers, who refer to themselves as Mystery, Inc., were also charged with trespassing and possession of controlled substances.

NEW YORK, NY – A mixed group of Millennials and Gen-Xers were shocked this week to learn that MTV is still on the air and broadcasting new content.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to multiple sources within the White House, President Trump has been hiding in a bunker since Halloween after he reported seeing “a ghost.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. –The National Police Union has approved new white, robe-like police uniforms that will demonstrate a “commitment to peace and harmony”.

GLENDALE, AZ – After being visited by three ghosts, local businessman Walter Bandict, has announced that he will no longer offer his employees paid time off and medical benefits.

KIRKLAND, WA – A local barista informed customers and coworkers that he has almost completed his film script.

NEW YORK, NY – Decorating for the holidays has become competitive in many neighborhoods across the country regardless of one’s religion.

WASHINGTON, DC – As the Republican Party struggles to identify a viable presidential candidate, party leaders have summoned the Council of Nine.

The Council of Nine, an ancient and powerful order of Republican leaders, will now convene to pick, or if need be, conjure, a new Presidential candidate.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” said Republican strategist Gabriel Henderson.

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Over the past weekend, thousands rallied in San Antonio to protest plans to open a new Mexican restaurant within blocks of the Alamo.

The protests began after Rubio’s Fresh Mexican Grill submitted plans to the city of San Antonio for a new location close to the Alamo.

In 1836 the Alamo was the site of a bloody battle during the Texas Revolution in which over 250 Texans were killed.

ELKTON, MD – A local couple says they are confused by their child’s resemblance to their next door neighbor.