Football Commentary Vaguely Homoerotic
Published January 2010GREEN BAY, WI – The television broadcast commentary of the recent National Football League game between the Green Bay Packers and the Cincinnati Bengals has been described by many viewers as “vaguely homoerotic.”
Former Presidents Continue Tradition by Hazing Obama
Published January 2009WASHINGTON, DC – All of the living former Presidents of the United States have begun hazing newly inaugurated President Barack Obama in a tradition that dates back decades.
Little Girl Arrested for Marrying Man, Unicorn
Published January 2009SALT LAKE CITY, UT – An eight-year-old girl has been arrested and charged with criminal mischief after presiding over the marriage of a male doll, Jonas, and a small, stuffed unicorn she named Beebee.
The girl, Cassie Weinrich, held the ceremony last month in her bedroom. While no other humans attended the wedding, authorities were called when Weinrich introduced the recently married couple to her elementary school teacher.
Osama bin Laden Wants To Retire, Open Coffee Shop
Published July 2008KABOL, AFGHANASTAN – Those closest to him are reporting that Al-Qaeda founder Osama bin Laden may be retiring from terrorism at the end of the year. Over the past couple years, bin Laden has expressed growing interest in pursuing other hobbies and possibly opening his own coffee shop in the mountains of Pakistan.
Local College Student Preparing "Coming Out" Speech
Published November 2007AUSTIN, TX – Anticipating an emotionally difficult winter break, Brown University freshman Dylan Grayson is preparing a speech to let his parents know he’s gay. The Winter school break will be the first time Grayson has seen his parents since the school year started in August and according to Grayson, his parents are unaware of his homosexuality.
Local Haunted House Targets Easily Scared Soccer Moms
Published October 2007CINCINNATI, OH – A local warehouse is being transformed into something frightening this month for the upcoming Halloween holiday. The Suburban Scare House will open this week and while it will offer frights for all ages, one specific group is targeted with this new haunted house – white, soccer moms.
Democrats Push Anti-American Agenda Onto American Public
Published January 2007WASHINGTON, D.C. – What Republicans across the nation feared has come to pass as the new Democrat controlled Congress unleashed its gay loving, tree hugging, god hating, anti-American agenda on the American public.
New Product to Help Men Appear Straight Hits Shelves
Published September 2006DALLAS, TX – A new product is about to hit the shelves that aims to not only clear confusion and suspicion but also serve a much needed service to men across the country. The device, the HomoDivider, will act as a beverage and snack holder while sitting between two men in public creating what the developers call a “barrier to protect the image of straight men everywhere.”
Nation's First Gay Care Center Opening In Seattle
Published June 2006SEATTLE, WA – In hopes of capitalizing on a large population of homosexuals living in the Seattle area, local entrepreneur, Terri Jillette, is opening the countries first Gay Care facility.
Cowboy Mistakenly Watches Movie Brokeback Mountain
Published December 2005LUBBUCK, TX – The sexuality of local man Donnie Ray Stevenson was tested earlier this week when he accidentally saw a new film about two homosexual cowboys, Brokeback Mountain.