PASADENA, CA – Local mother, Jane Herbst, is refusing to get a flu shot because she read an internet blog post recently that may or may not have said there was a connection between autism and flu shots.

COLUMBUS, OH – According to reports released by the U.S. State Department, Russian military forces are now poised just outside a local boy’s bedroom in what appears to be preparations for an invasion.

“We cannot confirm how many forces have been staged outside of Timmy Couch’s bedroom, but we can say that the amount appears to be a lot,” said Secretary of State, John Kerry.

PINE BLUFF, AR – Local man James Freeny made a New Year’s resolution that he never intended to keep.

MODESTO, CA – Over the past several weeks local Christian Jerome Hopkins has been aggressively wishing co-workers a “merry Christmas,” regardless of his coworkers’ actual religious beliefs.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Travel agencies in the Philadelphia metropolitan area have begun offering Facebook vacation packages that give customers the opportunity to experience new and exciting things while still at home but not connected to Facebook in any way.

“Over the last couple years we’ve heard a lot of customers mention how they wish they could just take a vacation away from Facebook,” said travel agent Gloria Lagger.

WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to increase their social media presence and communicate their platform more efficiently to younger Americans, the Republican Party has started a program to teach its base how to use the internet.

“Republicans need to start tweeting and Facebooking and Yelping and they just need to start being online more. A lot more,” said Republican Strategist William Smithson.

DALLAS, TX – The man behind a popular Conservative news blog has announced he has proof that President Barack Obama is planning to “blow up” Heaven.

SEATTLE, WA – Spokespeople for Microsoft have begun telling customers that the United States government will soon prohibit the sales of Microsoft Windows phones so customers should stock up on the phones now, while they are still available.

“The government is gonna come in to our homes and take away our Microsoft Windows phones!” said Microsoft employee Racheal Gregor.

WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama announced last week that after his inauguration he will just “kick back” for the rest of his second term.

WASHINGTON, DC – With the presidential election well in the past, most republican Christians are relieved that they can finally go back to being skeptical and suspicious of Mormons.