AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS – Tom Tom has unveiled a new feature to its voice guided GPS navigation system that will allow customers to load the voice of their spouse into the device to make for a more “familiar” driving experience.

This new service will be called Voice Voice and will be available in the next generation of Tom Tom GPS navigation devices beginning early next year.

LONDON, ENGLAND – Faced with a public relations nightmare after an oil rig exploded killing 11 and causing millions of barrels of oil to leak into the Gulf of Mexico, BP has replaced its CEO with Buttons, a Black Labrador puppy.

The move comes only weeks after former CEO Tony Hayward stepped down following the Gulf of Mexico disaster. Hayward was replaced by Bob Dudley, who in turn has been replaced by Buttons.

NORTH POLE – For the 60th year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.

NORTH POLE – For the 59th year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the current economic crisis causing fears of a depression, Congress approved President Bush’s economic incentive plan that will allow American citizens the ability to print their own money.

New York City, NY – Consumer Reports has once again published its yearly list detailing the hottest toys for the upcoming Holiday season. Retailers across the country are expecting to stock up on the highlighted toys in order to satisfy the high demand.

ENGLEWOOD, CO – Employees of NetStarr were alarmed and concerned last Friday by what they discovered scrolled across a white board in an office meeting room. The contents of the board were immediately speculated to contain information relative to the future of both the company and the employees.

LOS ANGELES, CA – In an effort to “update their image,” several well known religious figures made surprise guest appearances last week on the Jenny Jones Show for a segment entitled “Righteous Makeovers.” During the show, Jesus Christ, Buddha, Vishnu and Mohammed each took turns with hair stylists and fashion consultants, each hoping the new looks will help them come across to a new generation of worshipers that are more in tune with the world of high fashion.

DOWNER’S GROVE, IL – Early Thursday morning Cal Bowdler, ICG Chief Financial Officer, received a very unnerving phone call from the SEC. His company was being acquired via hostile takeover, and there was nothing neither he, nor the few remaining shareholders of ICG could do to stop it. The suitors turned out to be Josh, 21, and Chad Meyers, 25, two unemployed brothers located in Downer’s Grove, Illinois.

KETWORTH, PA – In what is being called the worst “Childhood” outbreak in United States’ history, children in Northeastern Pennsylvania are being round up by the thousands, slaughtered and tested for the debilitating disease.