LOS ANGELES, CA – As the writer’s strike in Hollywood continues, the studios have offered a new list of proposals as a path forward to finally ending the strike.

CHICAGO, IL – Makar Elementary School officials are calling for an investigation after confidential documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President, Chase Johnson.

CHICAGO, IL – In a recent poll of over 25% of the American population, 87% of responders said they think polls are 47% inaccurate.

TAMPA, FL –Republican Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney said Thursday that the real reason he has not released his past tax information is because his tax records contain the Anti-Life Equation.

“Believe me, I want to release the information, but if I were to do so, that would pretty much mean the end of life as we know it,” Romney said.

SPRINGFIELD, WV – Despite the fact that he was unemployed for eight months in 2010, Alan Jeffries, 23, has already planned out how he will spend his tax return.

EL SEGUNDO, CA – As the economy continues to struggle, not even celebrities are immune to the downturn and this week Barbie announced that her house is facing foreclosure.
According to bank records, Barbie has defaulted on several of her recent mortgage payments, ultimately forcing the foreclosure of her $200 million dollar “dream” home.

TARRYTOWN, NY – Administrators for Marymount College have begun to build the framework of a new curriculum which the school hopes will provide its students with a better understanding of woman’s role in modern society.

CONCORD, NH – In the wake of the Phish breakup, the Department of Welfare has declared a state of emergency to house and feed the thousands of Phish fans left to fend for themselves by the split.

LAWRENCE, KS – Kansas State Education officials again shocked the education world this week by announcing that it will remove all Math, Science and Social studies related materials from its classrooms due to both moral and funding reasons.

SCANTON, NC – Religious tensions between Catholic and Baptist organizations have ignited into an all out war this week as a struggle for boycotting rights consumes this nation. At the heart of this strife is a single company so despised, so hated, so not good that the simple mention of its name brings some to outrage, others to kill. That harbinger of doom and despair is Disney.