New Florida Law Requires Textbooks to State Civil War Was Fought Over Cola Choice
Published September 2023TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida lawmakers have passed a new law that requires all textbooks used by publicly funded schools to be changed to say the American Civil War was fought over the choice of cola drinks.
New Study Connects Milkshakes to Sex-Slave Industry
Published May 2011ATLANTA, GA – A report has drawn a direct line between the sex-slavery trade and milkshakes. The report is a result of more than five years of research by the University of Georgia.
Wisconsin Passes New, Indentured Labor Laws
Published May 2011MADISON, WI – The Wisconsin State Legislature has passed new laws that Governor Scott Walker says will “make the Wisconsin work force more attractive to companies.” The laws will allow companies to pay workers in credit, charge for the use of equipment, and allow companies to chain workers to workstations.
“We’ve ensured that every company will have employees that are… forced to work for them” said Senator Lena Taylor.
Klingons Take Control of House and Senate
Published October 2006WASHINGTON, DC – With faith in their government at an all time low, the American people have elected a new party to take lead of Congress – The Klingon National Assembly. This marks the first time in the history of the United States that a third party, let alone one consisting entirely of a violent alien race, has been a majority in either the House of Representatives or the Senate.
Compensation List Released for Abuses Against Women
Published February 2006KANSAS CITY, MO – The National Organization of Women, NOW, has released a list of compensations a woman should receive for varying acts of abuse. The list, which was made public last week details what a woman should receive if her husband/boyfriend/sibling/father abuses her either physically or mentally.
MCI To Replace Entire Sales Force With Cute Children
Published January 2006ENGLEWOOD, CO – In a surprising and risky move, the telecommunication company MCI has decided to replace its entire sales workforce with children ranging from ages six to eight-years-old.
U.S. Econmic Crisis 2005: Rich Can't Afford Third House
Published October 2005NEW YORK, NY – The current economic crisis has hit one group of Americans particularly hard as the richest one percent of the country can now barely afford a third or fourth house.