Self Declared "Hottie" Sued for False Advertising

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NEW HAVEN, CT – In an unprecedented court case, Mitch Dennis, 18, has filed a lawsuit against Emily Daniels, 18, for false advertisement. The suit stems from an incident on August 30th when Daniels reportedly wore a T-shirt proclaiming herself as a “Hottie.” Dennis argues that Daniels is in fact not a “Hottie” but rather unattractive in whole, thereby misleading him.

Though false advertising lawsuits have been filed in the past, this marks the first instance where an individual sued another for wearing a misleading T-shirt.

“Shit, look at that skanky ass ho,” Dennis said. “She’s all fat and shit and my God, I’ve never seen anyone with that much facial hair. My Grandpa can’t even grow a mustache that thick. There’s no one in the entire world that would find that to be hot. Shit, even them fucks in that one country who like them fat chicks wouldn’t dig on that nasty piece of ‘tang. Maybe a blind guy who hasn’t gotten any for a while. But if the dude felt her face, he might get confused by the mustache. So yeah, the only way she would get any action would be from a blind gay man, and then she would only be getting it in the pooper.”

While some people may see this lawsuit as frivolous, Mark Beyer, an attorney with the firm of Cameron, Sloane and Ferris, was eager to take up the case on behalf of Dennis.

“This has the possibility to be one of the most important cases in the history of law,” Beyer said. “Think about it, guys. How many times have you been walking down the street and gotten mesmerized by a giant pair of tits bearing the word ‘Hottie’ or ‘Sex Kitten’ or ‘Hot Piece of Oriental ‘Tang,’” only to look up and be disappointed by an ugly ass chick? There is nothing that pisses me off more. Well maybe if the chick turned out to be a guy, but we only make that mistake once. Right guys?”

While the odds seem to be stacked up against her, Daniels is confident that the courts will rule in her favor.

“Damn honey, you lookin’ fine, come here and give baby some suga’,” Daniels said, in a lovely baritone voice. “I don’t know what the little shit Mitch is sayin’, I’m hot. Damn hot. Here look at my ass, don’t it look kinda like J-Lo’s. Yeah, Mitch is just mad ‘cus he knows that he can’t have me. He’s just like all the other guys who make fun of me and call me ‘durty.’ None of them can have a piece of Emily pie. But you can, come here suga’.”

Shortly after the report of the lawsuit, hundreds of other similar suits came in, all suing for false advertisement. Among the other suits were 119 complaints about people wearing shirts proclaiming to be a “Porn Star” when they had no connections to the adult film industry.


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