SEATTLE, WA – As the FIFA Women’s World Cup winds down, Americans all across the country are getting ready to completely forget about women’s soccer.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a pre-vacation ruling, the Supreme Court has issued one of its most controversial rulings, upholding Comcast’s right to demand customer’s first-born children as payment.

LOS ANGELES – As the drought in California worsens, residents have begun modifying their cars by adding armor plating, skulls and various other decorations in preparation for the inevitable wars.

Climate scientists believe the lack of rain and shortage of water may result in wars fought by gangs with armored vehicles and guitars that shoot fire as seen in the recent documentary film, “Mad Max: Fury Road.”

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Responding to critics and increasing pressure from women’s groups, Hollywood studio executives say they will temporarily change many of the decades long practices with regard to women.

RENO, NV – A presentation about water conservation was delivered awkwardly to local business owners.

ANAHEIM, CA – The Scoop News has gathered a number of Star Wars experts and identified eight The Force Awakens rumors that are likely to be probably true.

CLEVELAND, OH – Responding to political pressure, the Cleveland Indians baseball team has changed its mascot from a Native American to a man from India.

SAN CARLOS, CA – A local couple has expressed concern that they may not be overreacting as much as they should compared to everyone else they know.

NEW YORK CITY – The travel magazine, Destination Awesome, has released its list of the top five 2015 Spring Break destinations.

MEMPHIS, TN – As tensions between police officers and civilians rise across the country, the National Association of Police Organizations (NAPO) is recommending that police officers begin shooting more white people.

“A lot of the tension is racially based, with the perception that police officers shoot minorities more often than white people,” said NAPO spokesman Eddie O’Reilly.