CHICAGO, MD – A recent survey conducted by the University of Chicago School of Sociology shows that almost 100% of Americans are 100% sure all that everything “bad” is everyone else’s fault.

The survey was conducted late last month and included responses from more than one million Americans.

MADISON, WI – At a New Year’s party, local man Jerome Beeg would not talk about anything other than the time he met John Mayer in an elevator much to the chagrin of other party goers.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Comedian Steven Yips says he is may delete his Twitter account as the pressure to post humorous updates to Twitter is consuming his free time.

ANN ARBOR, MI – According to her friends and family, new mother Josephine Montrell is “going a little overboard” in celebrating her baby’s first Christmas.

TUCSON, AZ – Friends of local man Jay Ralllan have committed to no longer inviting him to any social event or gathering until he learns to put down his fucking phone.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – A famous actor has dumped his slightly less famous actress girlfriend ending a romance that started on the set of some film that the couple appeared in together.

JEFFERSON PARISH, LA – A local filmmaker is growing more frustrated as people continue to ignore his film which he posted on the YouTube over a month ago.

ELKTON, MD – A local couple says they are confused by their child’s resemblance to their next door neighbor.

CLEVELAND, OH – During several different conversations with several different people at a recent Mates of State concert, local man Landon “Buster” Keane mentioned several times that every album he’s purchased in the past year has been on vinyl as apposed to CDs or online music stores.

CHICAGO, IL – A recent article in The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) has provided the clearest link between the rise of MRSA infections and the increase in popularity of Justin Bieber.