NORTH POLE – For the 59th year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In another bailout request, Santa Claus appeared before Congress this week asking for $45 billion in order to continue operations and ensure “Christmas happens as it should.”

NORTH POLE – After several years and hundreds of man hours, the Federal Bureau of Investigation said Tuesday that they have made a single arrest in one of the biggest counterfeit goods operations in the world.

GNOME, AK – Shocking and disturbing news came out of the North Pole this week as a witness stepped forward and exposed the described “hell hole” that is Santa’s Workshop.