AUSTIN, TX – In a surprise address to the Austin Texas Hog Farmers Association, God the Almighty appeared in front of human eyes for the first time in centuries, and condemned the human race for what he described as “the relentless overpopulation and blatant destruction of thy most beautiful creation, the Earth.”

FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ. – A new study just released from Northern Arizona University reveals that repeatedly hitting oneself on the head with a heavy, solid object may in fact be harmful to ones health.