PHOENIX, AZ – Coworkers of Jorge Nunez were amazed to find out that the fine, upstanding young man had at least one tattoo.

ST. LOUIS, MO – Budweiser Brewing Company has signed a contract that could revolutionize the marketing and promotion or alcoholic beverages. The deal, which will see Budweiser sponsoring a local man’s liver disease, is said to be worth in the neighborhood of $2.3 million.

TOKYO, JAPAN – A Japanese electronics firm, Nagisariko, has created the first penis implants that will allow men to control movie clips, either on a computer or DVD, while they masturbate.

New York City, NY – Consumer Reports has once again published its yearly list detailing the hottest toys for the upcoming Holiday season. Retailers across the country are expecting to stock up on the highlighted toys in order to satisfy the high demand.

BELLEVUE, WA – In an effort to become the number one discount travel website, Expedia.com has announced new features that the company hopes will draw more business.

WASHINTON, D.C. – In a controversial ruling, the United States Supreme Court eased legislation to allow companies more freedom when advertising products and services including allowing for statements that are not proven true.

DETROIT, MI – To increase subscribers, the driver assistance system OnStar will be unveiling several new features aimed at easing the life of drivers world wide. One of the first new systems to be implemented will be a service to help drivers identify good, out-of-the-way places to bury dead bodies.

TOKYO, JAPAN – At an electronic gaming convention in Japan this week the next generation of video game consoles were on display giving the world glimpses into the future of video game playing. Most of the new features on all the consoles revolve around making the gaming experience more encompassing and easier on the player by including things such as feeding tubes and revolutionary waste disposal/power conversion system.

TOKYO, JAPAN – Sony is putting the final touches on a new device which may revolutionize dating all over the world. The small, hand-held device, tentatively called a “Bangulator,” operates similarly as a calculator and can determine the chances of a love connection between two people.

ENGLEWOOD, CO – In a surprising and risky move, the telecommunication company MCI has decided to replace its entire sales workforce with children ranging from ages six to eight-years-old.