SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The Bay Area’s hottest new restaurant is making a name for itself in both menu and sustainability by offering only crusts cut from local children’s sandwiches.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A yet to be announced Marvel Studios Disney + series with a female lead is already getting poor reviews on IMDB.com.

PRESCOTT, AZ – A local Republican says he’s getting a bored “constantly owning all the libs” and is considering taking some time off to focus on himself.

NEW YORK, NY – A mixed group of Millennials and Gen-Xers were shocked this week to learn that MTV is still on the air and broadcasting new content.

PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 900th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper

HENDERSON, NV – Local Man, Gavin Crusher, forgot to run the dishwasher probably because of a Pokémon videogame.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Food and Drug Administration announced this week that it has created a new product category, “fewd,” to describe items found on Taco Bell’s menu.

NEW YORK, NY – To combat falling testosterone levels in American, white males, Fox News personality Tucker Carlson recommends drinking bull semen.

HEAVEN – After returning from vacation and seeing the state of Earth, God has promised to never again put his kids in charge while he is away.

LAS VEGAS, NV – Several of the largest sports betting apps will soon allow users to contact individual athletes directly through the app.