Companies Offering New Incentives to Lure Employees Back to The OfficePublished May 2022
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – To incentivize reluctant employees to return to the office, companies are offering new in-office only perks like on-site clowns, monthly balloon parties, new glory holes, and free shrimp cocktail.
Lifting Mask Mandates Makes It Difficult to Identify JerksPublished March 2022
DENVER, CO – As mask mandates across the country are lifted, many Americans are finding it more difficult to identify jerks.
Santa Claus Will Not Accept Lists Containing IvermectinPublished December 2021
NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has announced that he will no longer accept children’s Christmas lists that contain Ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, or Z-pack.
Facebook Launches Degree Program to Validate Facebook Users’ Posts, CommentsPublished October 2021
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Beginning next month, Facebook will begin offering degree and postgraduate degree programs to Facebook users.
Adrian Veidt Admits Plan to Unify Humanity by Releasing COVID-19 has FailedPublished August 2021
NEW YORK, NY – Former superhero and the smartest man in the world, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, admitted to engineering and releasing the COVID-19 virus in an effort to bring the people of earth together.
Olympic Events Changed to Help COVID Affected AthletesPublished August 2021
TOKYO, JAPAN – The ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has forced the International Olympic Committee to make several changes to events of this year’s Summer Olympic Games to accommodate athletes COVID-19 related symptoms.
Adult Stores Struggle with Inventories as Social Distancing EasesPublished May 2021
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Adult stores across the country are dealing with inventory issues as Americans become vaccinated against COVID-19 and the need for social distancing is rapidly decreasing.
Cardboard Cutouts Start Fight at Philadelphia Flyers Hockey GamePublished February 2021
PHILADELPHIA, PA – Several cardboard cutouts of fans started a brawl during a recent Philadelphia Flyers hockey game.
Pfizer Releases Double-sided Valentine's Day COVID VaccinePublished January 2021
NEW YORK, NY – In advance of Valentine’s Day, Pfizer has released a new double-sided COVID-19 vaccination needle that will allow a couple to vaccinate each other at the same time.
Gates Suggests People Focus on Positive Impacts to Possible Microchips in COVID VaccinesPublished December 2020
MILWAUKEE, WI – Bill Gates addressed the conspiracy theories about the presence of microchips in COVID-19 vaccines by saying people are missing the positive aspects of the hypothetical implanted microchips.