Health Care Lobbyist Wishes for Christmas Miracle
Published November 2009BETHESDA, MD – Insurance lobbyist Larry Branagan is begging Congress to give him what he wants most for Christmas – no public health care option whatsoever under any new health care related legislation.
Pimps Unveil Economic Stimulus Plan
Published March 2009WILMINGTON, DE – In an effort to help the economy, prostitutes all over the United States have revealed their own stimulus package.
Barbie's Dream House Facing Foreclosure
Published March 2009EL SEGUNDO, CA – As the economy continues to struggle, not even celebrities are immune to the downturn and this week Barbie announced that her house is facing foreclosure.
According to bank records, Barbie has defaulted on several of her recent mortgage payments, ultimately forcing the foreclosure of her $200 million dollar “dream” home.
George W. Bush's Immigration Plan Beginning to Pay Off
Published March 2009PHOENIX, AZ – While it’s been several months since former President Bush left office, his administration’s immigration plan is starting to come together as Mexican nationals are leaving to return to Mexico.
Bush Admits Suffering From Extreme Case of Senioritis
Published December 2008WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than a month left in his term as President of the United States, George W. Bush has admitted that he has “a severe case of senioritis.”
Experts Release List of 2009's Best Jobs
Published December 2008DENVER, CO – With the economy struggling and massive layoffs a daily occurrence, employment experts have released a list of the top 10 paying jobs for the upcoming year. Toping that list is Employment Expert.
Santa Claus Asks Congress For Bailout
Published November 2008WASHINGTON, D.C. – In another bailout request, Santa Claus appeared before Congress this week asking for $45 billion in order to continue operations and ensure “Christmas happens as it should.”
Americans Now Allowed to Print Own Money
Published November 2008WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the current economic crisis causing fears of a depression, Congress approved President Bush’s economic incentive plan that will allow American citizens the ability to print their own money.
Government Buys Out Lehman Brothers Massive Debt
Published October 2008WASHINGTON, D.C. – Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke announced last week the government’s plan to bailout the struggling Lehman brothers, Jim and Hank, of Baltimore, MD. The Lehman brothers have found themselves in economic trouble after two years of extravagant living, causing the government to sit up and take action before the Lehman brother’s assets are liquidated.
GOP Asks SkyNet to Upgrade Palin Cyborg
Published October 2008CHARLOTTESVILLE, OH – Manufacturers are working feverishly on an upgrade to the software installed in the SkyNet Cyborg model XX1331, more commonly referred to as Governor Sarah Palin. The Republican Party is putting pressure on SkyNet to resolve a number of issues as the party is becoming less and less happy with its recent purchase of a Palin.