Catholic Church to Allow "Free Days" During Lent
Published March 2002VATICAN CITY, ROME – Vatican officials announced Thursday that the Catholic Church would now recognize “free days” included in the observation of Lent. A “free day” is defined by the Catholic Church as a single designated day where the rules and beliefs behind Lent are put aside allowing Catholics to take a break from their lent sacrifice.
Hanukkah Extended to 38 Days
Published November 2001NEW YORK, NY – Years of debate and protest came to an end Saturday as Jewish leaders announced they have decided to extend the Hanukkah holiday by 30 days.
Local Indie Band Set to Sell Out
Published August 2001HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the underground indie-rock band The Star Project Theory protested this week as members of the band announced plans to “sell out.” In a press conference broadcast through the bands official website, The Star Project Theory made official what fans have been fearing for months, signing a contract with Warner Brothers Records.
English World's Oldest Language
Published July 2001CASPER, WY – In a discovery that will undoubtedly set the anthropological world on its proverbial ear, researchers from the University of Wyoming have uncovered proof that English, particularly American English, has been the dominant language in most of the world, throughout history.
Taco Bell Drops the Chihuahua
Published August 2000NEW YORK CITY – Just two days after announcing that it will drop its current and most successful ad campaign, Taco Bell has announced that the famous “Taco Bell Chihuahua” will be gone from commercials and promotions but will soon be even closer to America’s hearts.
Artist: Kansas City too Stupid to Appreciate Art
Published July 2000KANSAS CITY, KS – The morning after his debut at the Kelgloss Gallery in downtown Kansas City, local artist Enrich Fellstone lashed out against the residents of the city calling them “Neanderthals that wouldn’t know real art if it came right up to them and fucked their sister.”
Protesters Protest Amount of Bookstore Protest
Published June 2000FLAGSTAFF, AZ – With the opening of a new Barnes and Noble bookstore, a small group of area residents have come out to protest the amount of people protesting the corporation’s debut in the small mountain community.
Everyone Protests Disney
Published February 2000ANAHEIM, CA – In the single most unifying moment in the history of the world, almost every human being has come together to protest one single thing; The Disney Channels new show “Ain’t Them Minorities Stoopid?”
Holy War Escalating
Published September 1999SCANTON, NC – Religious tensions between Catholic and Baptist organizations have ignited into an all out war this week as a struggle for boycotting rights consumes this nation. At the heart of this strife is a single company so despised, so hated, so not good that the simple mention of its name brings some to outrage, others to kill. That harbinger of doom and despair is Disney.
Constant "Hitting" May Cause Brain Damage
Published July 1999FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ. – A new study just released from Northern Arizona University reveals that repeatedly hitting oneself on the head with a heavy, solid object may in fact be harmful to ones health.