

Old Punk Guitarist Really Wishes He Sold Out
Published October 2021BALTIMORE, MD – The former guitarist of a punk band has admitted that he wishes he had sold out when given the opportunity years ago.
Coworkers Don't Want to Hear About Man's Dungeons and Dragons Game
Published June 2021The coworkers of Ben Magnerson still do not want to hear about Magnerson’s Dungeons and Dragons game.

Adult Stores Struggle with Inventories as Social Distancing Eases
Published May 2021SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Adult stores across the country are dealing with inventory issues as Americans become vaccinated against COVID-19 and the need for social distancing is rapidly decreasing.

Attendees Deny Farting During Video Conference
Published May 2020RICHMOND, VA – None of the attendees on the weekly Dorchester International sales call have accepted responsibility for the audible fart heard during last week’s video conference call.

KFC Unveils New Drink Cup Made from Chicken
Published October 2019LOUISVILLE, KY – Fast food chain KFC has announced plans to release a new beverage cup made from fried chicken.

Trump Announces Plan to Return Alaska to Russia
Published November 2019WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump released a statement late last evening indicating that the United States of America will return ownership of Alaska to Russia.
Fans Start Petition to Make Titanic Ending Happier
Published August 2019HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the film Titanic, long unhappy with the ending of the film, have launched a petition to have the ending of the film remade “so it’s happy”.
U.S. Government Hosting Extensive Black Friday Sale
Published October 2018WASHINGTON, DC – The United States Government has announced a Black Friday sale where parts of the government will be available for purchase at sharply reduced prices.

Former Metal Guitarist Struggling to Update Linkdin Profile
Published October 2018MIDDLETOWN, NJ – Former heavy metal guitarist, Ken “Blood Face” Giacomo, has been updating his Linkdin profile for several days but has been struggling to include his experience as a musician.

Millennials Responsible for Declining Chastity Belt Sales
Published April 2018BOSTON, MA – A sharp decline in the chastity belt industry is being blamed on millennials.