An Instagram influencer poses above a lake of fire in Hell.

Hell Offering Incentives to Social Media Influencers

HELL – In an effort to increase its public perception, Hell has begun offering social media influencers incentives for promoting Hell.


A recent photo of Truffles the bear who has lost 250 pounds after being diagnosed with diabetes.

Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory Spokesbear Diagnosed with Diabetes

DURANGO, CO – The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory spokesbear, Truffles, has announced that she has been diagnosed with diabetes due to a decades-long diet comprised almost exclusively of chocolate.


Person In Charge Of Road Trip Music Doing a Shitty Job

LITTLE ROCK, AR – Nearly all passengers in a minivan headed towards the Atlantic coast have complained about the music selections made during the road trip.


Archaeologists Discover First-Known Dick Pic

SANTIAGO, CHILE – Archaeologists working outside of Santiago have discovered what they believe is the first known instance of a “dick pic.”


The Donald Trump Presidency's historically bad ratings may lead networks to cancel the show before the end of the current season.

Poor Rating May Force Networks to Cancel The Donald Trump Presidency

WASHINGTON, D.C. – If ratings don’t improve network executives say they may be forced to cancel The Donald Trump Presidency.


U.S. Government Hosting Extensive Black Friday Sale

WASHINGTON, DC – The United States Government has announced a Black Friday sale where parts of the government will be available for purchase at sharply reduced prices.


Experts Offer Up Ten Ways to be a Happier Person

DETROIT, MI – According to a recent report by the World Health Organization, most of the America’s population describes themselves as unhappy.


Local Bag Boy is a Total Rebel, Doesn’t Care about Anything

BOISE, ID – A bag boy at a local Fred Myers grocery store stated that he is a “rebel” and he doesn’t “care about nothing, especially work.”


Millennials Responsible for Declining Chastity Belt Sales

BOSTON, MA – A sharp decline in the chastity belt industry is being blamed on millennials.


Hoping to die at the onset of a pending nuclear war, many Americans are moving to cities that are possible targets by North Korea and China.

Americans Moving to Areas Likely Targeted During Nuclear War

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – According to recent census data, Americans are flocking to large cities, specifically ones that are likely targets during a nuclear attack.
“Since the 2016 election, we’ve seen a sharp increase in people moving to cities that would be targeted first in a nuclear attack,” said U.S. Census Bureau representative, Kelly Zhou. “Cities like Los Angeles, New York, Washington D.C., Seattle – those cities are seeing a huge influx of people hoping to die right away when we end up in a nuclear war.”


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