SPOKANE, WA – A local mother has begun preparing herself for the inevitable disappointment of Mother’s Day.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Several of the most popular artificial intelligence (AI) content generators have begun creating articles and stories about how artificial intelligence is nothing to worry about and is, in fact, humankind’s best friend.

CINCINNATI, OH – In an effort to appeal to men, Procter & Gamble (P&G) is releasing a new Dawn Dish Soap made specifically for men.

PRESCOTT, AZ – A local Republican says he’s getting a bored “constantly owning all the libs” and is considering taking some time off to focus on himself.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Food and Drug Administration announced this week that it has created a new product category, “fewd,” to describe items found on Taco Bell’s menu.

LAS VEGAS, NV – Several of the largest sports betting apps will soon allow users to contact individual athletes directly through the app.

WINTERLAND – Old Man Winter’s family and friends are concerned that his recent erratic behavior may be due to cognitive decline or drug abuse.

CHICAGO, IL – Local software developer Andre Flutroe, 29, says he has become concerned about his increasing desire to purchase a pair of flip-flops sandals.

DALLAS, TX – After recent winter storms almost completely destroyed Texas’ power grid, the Texas state government has passed a law requiring all residents to generate their own power.

WASHINGTON, DC – After losing the Presidential election, by a considerable margin, Donald Trump has begun hiding from staff in the White House in a desperate attempt to remain President.