PORTLAND, OR – Local man, Scott Hackerst, is pretty sure he can sell a bowling shirt he found at his uncle’s house for $80.

NASHVILLE, TN – Country singer Glenn Coventry is considering posting a video of himself using the N-word to boost record sales for his new album.

BALTIMORE, MD – The former guitarist of a punk band has admitted that he wishes he had sold out when given the opportunity years ago.

The coworkers of Ben Magnerson still do not want to hear about Magnerson’s Dungeons and Dragons game.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Adult stores across the country are dealing with inventory issues as Americans become vaccinated against COVID-19 and the need for social distancing is rapidly decreasing.

RICHMOND, VA – None of the attendees on the weekly Dorchester International sales call have accepted responsibility for the audible fart heard during last week’s video conference call.

LOUISVILLE, KY – Fast food chain KFC has announced plans to release a new beverage cup made from fried chicken.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump released a statement late last evening indicating that the United States of America will return ownership of Alaska to Russia.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the film Titanic, long unhappy with the ending of the film, have launched a petition to have the ending of the film remade “so it’s happy”.

WASHINGTON, DC – The United States Government has announced a Black Friday sale where parts of the government will be available for purchase at sharply reduced prices.