NEW YORK, NY – Facing an overworked healthcare system due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is calling on any actor or actress that has ever appeared in a movie, TV show, or play as a medical professional to report to their closest hospital to treat patients.

HELL – In an effort to increase its public perception, Hell has begun offering social media influencers incentives for promoting Hell.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Thousands of middle-aged white people have scheduled a protest next month in Washington, D.C. to bring focus to the diminishing value of their white privilege.

DURANGO, CO – The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory spokesbear, Truffles, has announced that she has been diagnosed with diabetes due to a decades-long diet comprised almost exclusively of chocolate.

MIDDLETOWN, NJ – Former heavy metal guitarist, Ken “Blood Face” Giacomo, has been updating his Linkdin profile for several days but has been struggling to include his experience as a musician.

LOS ANGELES, CA – After selling over a million copies of her debut album, rocker Terra Tory is looking forward to the new year and is eager to disappoint both fans and critics alike with her new album.

NEW YORK, NY – Beyoncé has delighted her fans with a surprise release of a new 17-minute song called “Where the Hell Are My Damn Keys?”

MIDDLETON, WI – Local man Jesse Guentert has told his friends that he will try to drink only a small amount of alcohol at their New Year’s Eve party.

NEW YORK CITY – The travel magazine, Destination Awesome, has released its list of the top five 2015 Spring Break destinations.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Over the last several weeks television networks have started rolling out their Fall schedule.